


A little plot of earth

by smaragdbird



Series: Terror Rare Pair Week [26]
Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Internalized Homophobia, Irving's religious feelings, M/M, Pre-Canon, Regrets, Requited Unrequited Love, Tragedy, gravestones, saying goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 05:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21470878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: Written for the Terror Rare Pair WeekAs they leave Beechey Island, Irving says goodbye to John Hartnell
Relationships: John Hartnell/Lt John Irving
Series: Terror Rare Pair Week [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542748
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8
Collections: The Terror Rarepair Week 2019





	A little plot of earth

Irving brushed snow off of the gravestone that proclaimed this to be the final resting place of John Hartnell. He was sure Thomas would come by before they left as well to say his goodbyes.

“We are sailing tomorrow”, he said, briefly glancing towards the ships in the distance. “With god’s will by this time next year we will have cleared the Northwest Passage and be safely in Pacific waters. But eve then it’ll be another year before we’re back in England.”

He wasn’t sure why he was saying all of this, which John would’ve known if he was still alive.

“Your brother asked to be transferred to Terror”, he continued. “I’ll keep an eye on him. He feels guilty about your death as if this was his fault. I can see his reasoning. Perhaps, if you had stayed as a shoemaker in England, you would still be alive.”

“But…”, Irving cleared his throat, his heart squeezing his in chest at the idea of John being alive and well. “But if that had been the case, you would have never come to Australia. We wouldn’t have met. And I might still try my hand at being a sheep farmer.”

He shook his head at his own youthful naiveté. “I never thanked you for it, not properly, not in a way that would let you know the depth of my gratitude. Like an angel of the Lord you came to me in my darkest hour and showed me the light.”

He had felt so lost after the farm had been a failure only to run into this cheerful young sailor on shore leave who had told him he had given up his previous trade to join the Royal Navy where his brother already served.

“We’ve talked the entire night, remember? The pub closed and we walked down to the beach and stayed there until the sun rose.”

He had invited to John to stay with him for the rest of his shore leave and then left Australia on the same ship, re-enlisting in the Royal Navy as soon as he was back in England.

“I remember your face when we met again on the Volage”, Irving smiled to himself. “You looked genuinely happy to see me. And I was glad to have a friend among the crew. I had very few of those in my life. And now I’ve lost the best of them.”

He could feel tears prick at his eyes but didn’t bother to blink them away. There was nothing shameful about mourning a friend. “Those four years on the Volage…they weren’t always easy but they were the closest I have ever felt to Heaven. All because of you.”

Irving knew that if his past self could hear him, it would be appalled at this confession and the worst was yet to come. “my friendship to you was always true but my desire for your company sometimes came from a different place in my heart.”

“You asked me for forgiveness on your death bed for what happened in Singapore and when I told you there was nothing to forgive, I meant it. But what I should’ve said is that my only regret about Singapore is that we never spoke about it before it was too late. That we never…”

_John’s eyes sparkling like stars in this tropical night, both of them having had a drink but they’re not drunk on spirits, they’re drunk on each other, laughing, touching, John’s lips brushing against his…_

“I was a coward”, Irving said decisively. “Too scared of my own heart, of the love the Lord placed there to give to you and only you. I can never rectify my mistake and I am sorry. Please, believe me John, I am sorry.” His voice broke and he had to take a moment to gather himself.

Irving took off his glove and rested his hand on top of the gravestone. “I hope one day I will see you again, John. Until then, rest in peace.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering how the hell I came up with this ship: John Irving and John Hartnell served on the HMS Volage together for four years. That's how.


End file.
